Ingen väckarklocka
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Australiensaren skriver en del för skoj och en del ambitiöst, fick för ett par dagar sedan den här historien som jag fann lite underhållande. Så ag fick tillstånd att dela med mig till er.
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HISTORY OF THE WORLD IN 554 WORDS
The world was formed by an agglomeration of gases. Or a big bang. Or God made it in 6 days, with a day off for good behaviour. Perhaps if she’d taken a retrospective hint from The Beatles she might have put in a hard day’s night and done it in 8. Perhaps what follows wouldn’t have happened. The world could have been a wonderful place.
When the hirsutely-challenged descendants of Adam noticed the place was getting crowded they invented the wheel to cull the crowd with road accidents. This seems to have been forgotten because the good people from Road Safety are trying to reverse this process. That’s Progress for you.
If Dad was an under-achiever, Jesus was an over-achiever. Given his earthly limitations his 15 minutes of fame resulted in pure pandemonium, morals that were harder to follow
than giving up smoking but a good Monty Python movie.
The Internet of the Middle Ages, the printing press, is invented. Gutenberg gets type cast as a Movable Quantity and makes books a serious time waster to fill in the gap between Fire and the advent of Television.
1492, America, as Oscar Wilde has said, was detected. The Americans themselves were not impressed by their party being over-run by ghostly tourists with a penchant for the puritanical.
White tourists from North America fought the white tourists from the South over the ownership of imported labour from Africa. Peace, as we speak, has yet to be arrived at. Perhaps a taxi should be called?
Napoleon, an unrepentant pre-Presidential Hitler, tries to conquer the world. Works out for a while, then fizzes. Bloody frogs!
In the 20th Century Germans cause some trouble with a gap in between called The Roaring Depression, or something. Some people get killed, which is bad, but ends with bombs being dropped on some Japanese cities killing a lot of Mr. and Mrs. Sakis which, apparently, is OK because, unluckily for them, they are only Japanese. This applies also to Germans and Arabs, a bit later on. Scriptwriters do particularly well out of this period, writing screenplays a good 50 years after the actual event.
1940. John Lennon is born which is great because can you just imagine The Beatles with just Paul, George and the 2 drummers?
1950. I am born. This doesn’t mean jackshit to billions of earthlings but it has significant complications for me. Life had been pretty relaxed in the Ethereal.
McDonalds born not too long after this and will probably be the death of Me. And some other less important people.
Landing on the Moon just makes Insane People, like myself, wonder why there isn’t a Sea of Tranquility on the planet Soil, which some people call Earth.
America still kills a lot more people but, again, this is OK because we are the Good Guys.
Kylie Minogue and Madonna are really popular singers. Persons who are bored with the bedroom queues just buy the album.
Some Arabs who haven’t got any aircraft borrow some American ones and use them for their own ends.
Elvis dies somewhere in the middle of all these last few sentences.
Life is a cabaret. A bowl of cherries, popped. And I wouldn’t miss a minute of it, but, right this second; I have a bus to catch.
Nu är det dags att bege sig till jobb igen, jag hoppas Katka är på gott humör idag.
